Can you beat that?

Though I haven't done many of these goof-ups in the past, they do happen. And while they do have a very high potential to cause a major embarrassment, they can also be quite interesting, leading to some comical solutions.

A similar situation occurred yesterday. Neeti and I were scheduled to attend a party in the evening. Being an exceptionally warm and humid day, we had to take a couple of showers through the day to stay cool!

And so, before we left home, we took our showers, decked ourselves up nattily, thought we were smelling good, looking smart, etc. etc.!

True to the conditions set forth for me, I had to drive. Moved out of home, and got on the New Link Road - surprisingly, there was little traffic for a Sunday evening. And in o time we reached the JP Road crossing - the signal was red and we stopped. And then came the shocker - I looked at myself in the rear view mirror and realised what a fool I was! I forgot to SHAVE!!!!!! I felt like such a fool!

Knowing what was around the corner, I very carefully modulated my voice, tried not looking into Neeti's eyes and said "Neeti, I forgot to shave!"

The reaction was cool and measured - perhaps she had given up on me, trying to persuade to shave on the weekends. The argument I used to counter her in such situations was that Abhishek Bachchan doesn't seem to shave, does Aishwarya seem to complain? No! So you could very well accept. After all, you are a big fan of his!

Grudgingly, Neeti said "Forget it, let's continue anyways!"

Afraid to embarrass her, I said I would shave anyway. She suggested we turn back. Now that would have meant getting an hour late, which was not ideal.

Eureka, a brilliant idea struck me like a bolt through the blue. I told Neeti, that would love me for the rest of my life for this damn thing that I was going to do.

Accelerated towards DN Nagar and pulled over by the grocery stores, opposite the DN Nagar police station. And then I made a dash towards the closest grocery store - picked up a Gillette Presto and a small bottle of Aquafina.

Rushed back to the car, moistened my face with, yes, Aquafina, and quickly wrapped up the act, in the dimming light. And you can't imagine the glances I got from passers-by - kids were giggling, boys laughing, girls looking at me with disdain and Aunties looking at me suspiciously as if were going for a clandestine rendezvous with girl beside me in the car!!!! Arrrgh!

But it ended up being my finest shave.

And the Lady was impressed - can you beat that?

Exile the SP to North Korea

What a shocker this is - the Samajwadi Party (SP) has announced in it poll manifesto that it wants to ban computers, English, mechanised farming and stock trading among other things. This has been covered prominently on news channels like NDTV as well as in the print media.

How ridiculous, horrifying and pathetic!

Does the SP do what it preaches? There are a lot of inherent contradictions in what these people are saying.

A few pointers:

1. 
   
   The SP has a jazzy website, in English, yes that's right - they are using computers and the net, that too in English.


2. 
   
   Mulayam's supporter, Big B, a net freak who passionately blogs every day, would perhaps have to revert to his father's passion - Hindi poetry. Arrey baba, no English, vinglish!


3. 
   
   Aishwarya, another SP supporter, would have to stop all movies in English, stop her jaunts to Cannes and above all no western clothes - that's a logical consequence of SP's policies, right?


4. 
   
   Anil Ambani, another Mulayam supporter, runs a clutch of companies that invest in the markets. If the SP comes to power, would all these companies go bankrupt?


5. 
   
   The son of a prominent SP candidate from Mumbai would have to shut down his upmarket eatery in Bandra, because it serves Italian khaana peena, corrupting Indian minds. And his wife, a Bollywood starlet, would have to stop wearing western dresses, and no make-up, shake-up!


6. 
   
   Last but the least, the ever grinning Amar Singh, would have to stop all his Page 3 party hopping - that's simply not Indian culture.

If the SP is serious about what it says, shouldn't their prominent supporters do all that I have suggested above?

It is indeed stupid, if I may so, for a national party to say all this. Computers and the net are now being used by farmers to find out new techniques of cultivation. Mobiles come in handy for them to get the best price in the markets. Even rickshaw wallahs and household maids use cellphones to optimise their operations! Every small town has computer and English institutes to coach youngsters, helping them get jobs in BPOs, etc.

And now the SP wants to take us back to the middle ages. Or is it mere vote-bank politics, where politicians are mere demagogues inciting people to get to power? Perhaps they have a vested interest in keeping people backward so that continue to hold positions of prominence in society.

Sometimes I feel that India might do well with a benign dictatorship like the way Turkey had in the early part of the 20th century, when Mustafa Kemal Atatürk imposed a modernisation on the country - equality of women, separation of religion from the state, adoption of English script for the Turkish language, etc. That is something which is debatable.

For now, let's exile the SP leadership to North Korea, where they will feel at home with Kim Il Jong.